I feel like I start a lot of posts by telling you that it was not the post I had intended to write. I’m not sure why I do that. Maybe because I feel guilty for not sticking to my schedule, which is ridiculous because you’d never know that that was the case if I didn’t tell you. I’m not going to do that this time (even though this is clearly another one of those posts).
Every now and then, life seems to get obnoxiously hectic. For our family, October through January is stupidly full. There’s about a million birthdays and then all the holidays…it’s insanity. Because I’m the type of person who always has a to-do list that’s a mile long and who needs copious amounts of alone time, this season can be extremely overwhelming and generally, I react to this with complete and utter laziness.
Today is certainly a great example of that. The house is a disaster. Both sides of the sink are full of dishes (and, let’s be real here, so are the countertops). There’s scraps of paper all over the living room floor from my daughter’s “art projects” yesterday. There’s fluff strewn about the house from the toy the dog destroyed within hours of its purchase. The bathroom sink is full of toothpaste scum and Almost-Husband’s beard trimmings, and the floor desperately needs mopped. An array of toys clutters up every inch of available space in every room of the house. And the laundry. Good lord, the laundry.
There are still some bills to be paid that were due two weeks ago, and for once the issue isn’t not having the money to cover them. I just haven’t gotten around to them yet. We have been averaging 3 yo-yo (you’re on your own) meals a week for the last month, and most of the meals I’ve managed to cook have been premade. My workouts have completely disappeared from my routine and I have pretty much disappeared from social media.
In short, I’ve had a major case of the lazies. I just don’t want to do anything–even the things I typically love doing. I come home from work, throw on my yoga pants, and sit around messing with my phone as the TV drones on in the background. Occasionally, I take a glance at my planner and tell myself I should do something. Then I say “there’s always tomorrow” and I resume my lounging.
What’s amazing about this is that for once, this has very little to do with my depression and a lot to do with giving myself a break. Instead of allowing myself to feel guilty for this, I’ve decided to just accept that this is part of my process and work with it.
Sometimes, life gets overwhelming and the only thing you can do is just say “screw it” and let all the balls drop to the floor. Just free yourself from all the burdens for a moment and pick them back up at your own pace. Allow yourself to do the bare minimum for until you’re ready to move on. Use this time to really evaluate your values and what is most important to you. Cut out what isn’t serving you and restructure your life to maximize the things that do.
I’m not sure when this shift happened, but it suddenly became very clear that in order to be happy I needed to stop trying to alter myself to fit my life and begin altering my life to fit me.
This is the phase I am in now.
As I’ve mentioned before, there are some great things going on in my life at the moment and I will continue to focus on those and to strive for greater balance.
And maybe tomorrow, I won’t be so lazy.